april 22

My memories are all blurry most of the time. All cut up and re-arranged. I don’t know what this determines, but it is unsettling. Memories of yesterday are strange, as if they don’t belong to me. But I have accepted that life will be strange for me, but perhaps I have not accepted that you must live life. I don’t want another fifty years please. It seems such a waste. My death should be organised, my organs pulled from my body and passed onto someone who wants to live. It makes much more sense to me. However, this comes from the head of someone who is broken, and much more indecisive about such things as living or dying. I want it, now I don’t, I want it, now I don’t. Give it to me unknowingly and my soul will be blessed. I’m not a religious person, but if this blessing of souls occurs, count me in. I’m not dying to go from one Hell to another, and the people I’d meet there, oh boy, I’ve lived with them all my life.

@2 years ago